Alot of people died building the pyramids because of one stupid rule:
Nobody eats until we finish
What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic ?
Half-way
Why do clowns have round shoulders and flat heads?
Because when you ask them a question they say I dunno and shrug their shoulders.
When you tell
them the answer they slap their heads and say "I should have known that!"
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef
Never trust strangers or magicians...and nothing is stranger than a magician
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be around when it happens.
A guy walks into a bar and say "OUCH!"
A couple of guys walk into a bar, which is funny, because the second guy should have seen it..!
How to get Rich. Rule #1: Never own anything that eats.
Resturant Eating Rule#1: Never order anything bigger than your own head.
Did you hear about the magician who turned his car into a tree ?
Why is it when you send something by ship its called cargo,
and by car its called a shipment?
I'd give my right arm to prove I'm ambidextrous
A laugh is a smile with a hole in it
Its mind over matter, if you don't mind.... it doesn't matter
I don't like spinach and I'm glad I don't like it
because if I did like it, I'd eat it, and I hate the stuff
Drive defensively -- buy a tank
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
TRAPEZOID: A device for catching zoids
I'll never forget what grandpa had on his tombstone
"I told you I was sick!"
That reminds me of the last words my uncle said before he died
"A TRUCK!"
I knew this guy who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny
Did you hear about the dislexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
Two psychics meet and one says to the other,
"You're fine. How am I?"
Be different: Conform
There's no future in time travel
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you
If God had meant for penguins to fly, he would have given them wings