rec.juggling Most Annoying Questions ver 3.1

Here is the MAQ for rec.juggling. This is a list of the Most Annoying Questions that are regularly posted there, with snide answers. Please read this before posting a question in rec.juggling. It may contain the information you need.

Corrections, additions or changes to conway@bdt.com. Thanks to Ed Carstens, McD and others for input. For more juggling humour, see my juggling page.

Changes from the last release:

Warning: This post contains humor, cynicism and drug references. It is not suitable for children and people of an unduly literal disposition.


These are the questions that are answered below:
  1. Contact Juggling...
  2. What do all those numbers mean?
  3. Can anybody else do 8888881?
  4. Any tips for getting my seven balls more solid?
  5. How do drugs affect your juggling?
  6. Why is the IJA so fouled up?
  7. What exactly is Burke's Barrage?
  8. I just learned to do three balls, what do I do next?
  9. Hi, I'm new here and....
  10. Where the FAQ?
  11. What is the Juggling Information Service and how do I access it?
  12. This is a test. Did it work?
  13. Where can I buy juggling props in Normal, Illinois?
  14. I saw this guy on PBS in a triangle.. way cool. Who is he?
  15. I saw this guy juggling a bowling ball, an apple, and a tennis raquet.. and guess what, he took a bite out of the apple! Do you know who I'm talking about? Can you do that?
  16. I saw this guy bouncing balls on a keyboard on the floor.. way cool. Who is he? And where can I buy one of those keyboards?
  17. I want do do comedy in my juggling routine. Are there some standard juggling jokes I can use?
  18. I want to buy clubs. Who's are the best?
  19. I know this isn't really juggling, but do you know if there's a group for...

Contact Juggling...

This is not really juggling at all so we do not discuss it here. You will find all the information you need in the FAQ for alt.boomerang.


What do all those numbers mean?

There is a running joke here in rec.juggling (which unfortunately has made its way into the FAQ) in which seasoned posters attempt to persuade newbies that certain classes of juggling patterns can be represented by numerical strings, and they go on to discuss the 'tricks' that they have just learned. This is of course nonsense, as you will soon discover if you attempt to follow any of the 'explanations' of this system. Personally I think that jokes of this sort are in very bad taste. Clowns like Boppo and 'Mister' Frog should stick to face painting, and leave rec.juggling to the serious jugglers.

Just ignore any post in rec.juggling containing more than three numbers in a row and you will be a happier person. Really.


Can anybody else do 8888881?

Nobody else is that stupid.


Any tips for getting my seven balls more solid?

Spend less time reading rec.juggling and more time practicing. Jeez, I should have your problems.


How do drugs affect your juggling?

Like, sometimes I'm tripping and I pick up three oranges and I do a Mills' Mess and I look at my hands, I mean really look at my hands, and I see all these fundamentalist Christians crawling all over my body shouting "Just say no!" so I go and stick my head in a bucket of water and juggle upside down for a long time. Your Mileage May Vary.


Why is the IJA so fouled up?

Because anyone who would be competent to run the organization has better things to do with their time. The people running the IJA are very sweet and cuddly, I'm sure, but let's face it, it's not a job that attracts captains of industry or international statesmen. The IJA is not very well run because it is just not very important.


What exactly is Burke's Barrage?

While it is possible to explain this in a text description, it is about as exciting to read as the Internal Revenue Service instructions for form 1040. Go find a Burke and get hir to show you.


I just learned to do three balls, what do I do next?

Have a beer. Make out with your SO. Watch a video. Don't you have anything better to do than juggle?

If you must learn something new, skip four balls and go straight for five (even numbers are harder because the balls can't cross over). Five balls is just like three but a bit faster. In a couple of weeks when you have that down you can post again for more ideas.


Hi, I'm new here and ...

Read the FAQ.


Where the FAQ?

It's available through the Juggling Information Service.


What is the Juggling Information Service and how do I access it?

That's fully described in the FAQ.


This is a test. Did it work?

No. I have added a software agent to USENET News that screens out all test postings to this newsgroup. Your post, and this reply, are only visible on your own news server. We look forward to hearing from you when you have something to say.


Where can I buy juggling props in Normal, Illinois?

It would be so nice if you could just look in the yellow pages under "Juggling - Supplies and Equipment". However, because of the questionable status of juggling in many communities, you will not usually find such a listing. Instead, the vast underground network of juggling prop shops has to resort to listings in other sections of the phone book. You should be able to find what you want listed either under "Escort Services" or "Massage - Non-theraputic". Ask for someone who makes outcalls and soon you may find Tom Kidwell or Neil Stammer at your door with a case full of samples.


I saw this guy on PBS in a triangle... way cool. Who is he?

That was Steve Mills. The technical name for those wooden triangle things is a "Mess".


I saw this guy juggling a bowling ball, an apple, and a tennis raquet.. and guess what, he took a bite out of the apple! Do you know who I'm talking about? Can you do that?

This trick was invented in 1542AD by the Italian juggler Chiopino Scallopini, and it has been handed down in the Scallopini family ever since. Out of respect for the Scallopini family, no other juggler will perform this trick.

In 1542, of course, a cannon ball was used instead of a bowling ball. The original apple was replaced in 1863 when it began to get mouldy, and is now in the Jugglers' Hall of Fame in Bologna, Italy. Plan your next vacation there!


I saw this guy bouncing balls on a keyboard on the floor.. way cool. Who is he? And where can I buy one of those keyboards?

That was Dan Menendez, a great juggler, and a close personal friend of Andrew Denton. This trick is a gimmick however - if you look closely you will see that the balls do not actually play the keyboard. Dan is really playing it with his feet. It took him fifteen years of tap dancing lessons to get that good, so you can give up any hope of learning that trick.


I want do do comedy in my juggling routine. Are there some standard juggling jokes I can use?

No, there are no jokes about juggling. It is a serious business requiring the sacrifice of career, relationships and personal hygene. One could no more tell jokes while juggling than tattoo a portrait of Nancy Reagan on Madonna's boobs. Of course, there are some things that jugglers say from time to time as if they were funny - things like "A sudden gust of gravity" and "Anybody got a lighter, thanks, anybody got a watch?" - but a moment's consideration will reveal that these remarks are not in the least bit amusing. Saying really stupid things in public is just part of the self-humiliation that every juggler must go through on the path to attaining enlightenment and a decent seven ball pattern.


I want to buy clubs. Who's are the best?

Much of the debate and opinion you'd find in the rec.juggling archives on this issue is actually a debate about "What are the second best clubs I can buy?" Beyond any shadow of doubt, the Cadillac of juggling clubs are the Napier-signature model JuggleBug Pro clubs. Call the Renegades and ask for them by name. Oh, and be sure to ask for the rec.juggling discount!


I know this isn't really juggling, but do you know if there's a group for...

...Yo-yos?

Yes. You're there.

...Unicycling?

Yes, but sources say it's idling at the moment.

...Balloon Sculpture?

No, not until some math weenie invents a notation to describe latex poodles.

...Clowning?

This is rec.juggling. We EAT clowns here. Shag off, you red nosed freak of nature.

...Mime?

<Points over there>

<Way, way over there>


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