The recent construction of the Keswick by-pass and consequent 
rationalization of Greta Hall resulted in the discovery of a number of 
manuscripts attributed to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, unaccountable stored 
hanging from a string in an outhouse. (NB for US readers, the W in Keswick
is silent.) The most interesting fragment follows. Coleridges marginal
notes are in curly brackets {} and my editorial comments are in square
ones [].

        The Rime of the Ancient Juggler

It is an ancient Juggler,
And he droppeth one of three.
'By thy long grey beard and dripping nose,
What hast thou dropt on me?'

{An ancient Juggler droppeth a prop on one of his audience}

He holds him with his skinny hand,
'A Volunteer,' quoth he.
'Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

[The grey-bearded, or choking loon, was a familiar sight on lake
Windemere in Coleridge's day. It is now missing, presumed extinct.]

{The Audience Member is spellbound by the nose of the old performer}

He holds him with his running nose -
The Volunteer stood still,
And...

[The next three stanzas are illegible due to beer stains.]

The clown was here, the clown was there,
The crowd was all around:
It laugh'd and growl'd, and roar'd and howl'd,
Like noises in a swound!

{The Juggler describes a clown at a circus}

[Swound: Either (a) The soundbox of a barrel organ, or (b) Something
else.]

Yon rubber capon was the jest
With which he won applause;
And jealousy gnawed at my breast
With bloody fangs and claws.'

{The Juggler was jealous of the clown's rubber chicken}

'God save thee, Ancient Juggler,
From from the fiends, that make thee howl! -
Why look'st thou so?' - 'Well you must know
I stole that rubber fowl.

{The Ancient Juggler ingraciously stealeth the clown's prop.}

And I had done a hellish thing,
And it would work 'em woe:
For all averr'd I had stole the bird
That made the show to flow.
Ah wretch! they cried, the bird to hide
That made the show to flow.

{The other performers cry out against the Juggler for stealing 
the prop that got the most laughs.}

Day after day, day after day,
We struck, nor smile nor laughter;
The audiences crept away
Nor came back ever after.

{The theft of the chicken begins to be avenged.}

[At this point there are several pages missing from the manuscript.
The remainder appears to have been composed duing the early stages
of an opium orgy.]

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.

[Some critics agrue that the previous stanza proves that the papers
are a forgery, as Coleridge could not possibly have written anything
as silly as that. But wait, it gets better...]

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That this should ever be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

[How much more interesting if the slimy things had crawled
without legs.]

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
And by their word, the rubber bird
About my neck was hung.

[The opium was clearly taking effect at this point, for the
next eighty seven verses consist entirely of the letter W,
apart from one cryptic comment...]

{Oh buggery! Juggler won't work! Try soldier???}