16th European Juggling Convention

A review by the Edible Doormouse

The Book of Genesis

i

(1) In the beginning there was chaos and out of the chaos came a voice saying "Let there be Leeds". And there was Leeds. And people looked on the Leeds and saw that it was good. (2)But after 4 days and 4 nights the people left Leeds and there was sadness on their faces and heaviness in their hearts for they beleivced they might never return, and no place else would be as good. (3) And voices wailed in the wilderness "When will there be another Leeds?" (4) And no reply was heard. (5) And the people continued to travel around the land in search of another such place, and each place they stopped they built themselves a place to talk. (6) And yet, though they talked long, they talked in many languages, and not one understood the other. (7) And so confusion reigned.

ii

(1) But then, from the wilderness to a place called Verona came a prophet who had been given a vision of the future and his name was Charlie. (2) And he spoke to the people in a language they understood and he said "There shall be another Leeds. Not today. Not next year, but the year after that 'cos it's a bloody big thing to organise". (3) And the people did cheer heartily and praise the prophet.

iii

(1) And the people continued to wander and they went to a place called Banyoles, where the sun was hot and the inhabitants looked strangely upon them as though they were children of another land, not of that place called Europe. (2) But the people were content and they liked the place.

The Book of Exodus

i

(1)Time passed. Season followed season and rain followed sun as the moons waxed and waned. (2) And the people did plan their trek to the northern wasteland that is Leeds, for it meant crossing the treacherous English Channel. (3) But each tribe found leaders who were willing to navigate the waters, and many tribes banded together and there came safety in such a group, and the waters were divided and the people delivered safely to England.

ii

(1)But then did the enemy, whose name is Confusion, strike at the heart of the children of Europe, for the signs that had been promised were not there and many of the people were lost. (2) But Confusion was himself confounded for the children of Europe are familiar with his ways. (3) Indeed, it is said that they are worshippers of Confusion and revel in his ways. (4) And this was seen to be true for the people did find their way to the appointed place and said "Verily, we have found the promised land. A place that milks our money" and they stand their place in line to meet the sons and daughters of the prophet who had worked to make this place possible.

iii

(1) And they did give money unto the sons and daughters of the prophet, who did change their shekels into a key fob which did carry miraculous powers. And so all the children of Europe might be recognised by this sign they were instructed always to carry their key fob. (2) And it was said that no one may do business unless he carry the sign of the key fob. (3) Indeed, many did still carry the sign from Banyoles for fear that they may not be able to do their daily business without it.

The Book of Numbers

i

(1) And the sons and daughters of the prophet were overwhelmed by the numbers that did arrive. The children of the tribe of England were many in their number. Great, too in their number were the children of Germany. (2) And the tribe of Hibernia had gathered a mighty group who did meet together for a week before the coming to the promised land. (3) And children came from the ends of the Earth, from the lands across the Atlantic and from the mystic East. (4) And such a gathering there had never been before, for they could not count the numbers that were there but they did believe there were 2 and 20 hundred in their number. (5) And yet the scions of the prophet were not satisfied for the promised land held room for many more and the prophet had said that more would come. (6) And though there was disappointment there was no great sadness in their hearts for they knew they had done a good thing and that those who had not come would jolly well know better next time.

The Book of Psalms

i

The joy of juggling

Makes me not want,

Though I lie down in green pastures

And they supplieth me not

With enough toilets.

Yea though I walk through

the valley of the shadow of great discomfort

I shall enjoy myself yet.

For I shall drink from the cup of alcohol

That thou hast supplied

And eat from the cafe that is even open,

yea until the hours of 5 in the morning

And eat and drink with mine eyes

the festivals thou hast given

unto us to observe.

Of Peewee getting drunker

and compering better.

Of stages that are truly open to all

No matter what there race, creed, ability,

or state of inebriation.

I shall watch the splendours

of the No Fit State, and of

Skinning the Cat, and of the

others who did prepare for us entertainment

in the green fields of Boddington.

And I shall rest in the room of strange lights

and have revealed to me the true wonders.

And we shall stay up late and

marvel at the wonders thou hast supplied.

ii

Great are the works of juggling,

they are pondered by all who delight in them

The Book of Beckett

i

(1)To Beckett's Park there came some wise men from the East who had been prophesied by Charlie when he did speak to the people in Verona. And they did teach much of their strange arts called 'Opera' although they did not sing. (2) But they were wonderous acrobats, and were fearsome warriors, displaying great skill with spear and with sword and with hammer. (3) And the children of Europe did look on them and wonder and it was as if a great veil were lifted from their eyes that they did reach new understandings of the people of the East.

ii

(1) And many other teachers came to spread the word of their beliefs and to demonstrate their miracles, and the people did throng to learn all that was new. (2) And many of the people did gather in the place called the Green Gym to ride upon strange one wheeled camels and to glorify the name of Unicycle Hockey. (3) For they did believe that they were destined for greatness if they did chase and strike the ball with their fronds of ash and hickory. (4) And verily the word of their cult did seem to spread for their numbers were ever greater with each passing year. (5) And many people did gather on the grass or in the blue gym and there they did worship singly or in groups. (6) And the people did juggle 7 balls and 5 clubs and 3 diabolos. (7) And the devil sticking cult did practise secret movements and passes under their legs like the Masons of whom very little is known. (8) And often did the people gather to exchange new ideas but also to exchange the instuments of their worship, giving freely with one hand or both. (9) And such was their generosity that they were keen to give more and more often, yea even with people they scarcely knew.

iii

(1) And it came to pass one morning that there rose up amongst the people a man who said "Let us dance". (2) And he did lead his people in a dance that was not a dance. (3) And yet it was not a juggle either. (4) And the people looked and could not decide if this man was a great leader or a madman such was their confusion. (5) And many were the opinions but great was the debate and inspring was the work. (6) And his name was Gandini.

The Book of Theatre

i

(1)And the generosity of the City of Leeds knew no bounds for they had given unto the children of Europe a place called the Grand Theatre. (2) And because the children were so many and the seats in the Theatre so few, they had given it for three nights that the Children may demonstrate their art to people from other tribes. Yea, even unto those not of the cult of juggling. (3) For by this means the word might be spread and greater would be the glory of juggling, amen.

ii

(1)And on each night were different wonders wrought, such was the greatness of the children of Europe. (2) And many were the skills but marvellous too were the differences. (3) For all these peole did practise the same beliefs and yet they did make there daily practise in so many different ways. (4) Truly this is a sign that juggling is a great thing. (5) For the people did perform with music and with comedy. (6) And some did not juggle, yet performed acts of physical theatre. (7) And the teachers fromt he East did display their skills and their vestments which were truly a sight to behold. (8) And the people did laugh and clap and their hearts were lifted by the sights of the public shows.

The Book of Traders

i

(1)Money is an ugly thing and noone likes to talk of it. (2) Yea, the people who do trade and exchange money are oft looked upon with scorn. (3) And yet these people do truly help the tribes gather and without them we are nought. (4) They are like unto the fabric of our beliefs and they did weave a golden cloth of delights for all to buy. (5) And business was brisk, and new goods were on display for the children of Europe to test out. (6) And many of the children did spend their money until they had none left, such were the pleasures to be had in the bazaars of Leeds.

The Book of Revelations

i

(1)And eventually there came to pass a time when the people must depart and return to their homelands. (2) But before they could depart they did gather together in the presence of the prophet and of his sons and daughters and they did criticise their works. (3) For, though the people had been mighty happy, and they had been marvellous fed and entertained they were not content. (4) And there will always be people who, even though they reenter the garden itself, will not be happy for then they would have nothing to complain of, and complaining itself doth please them.

ii

(1) And yet though they did complain, many did heap praise upon the works of the sons and daughters of the prophet, which praise was well deserved. (2) Clear was the relief on the face of the workers that it was over. (3) Yet no one did come forward to say "I shall lead the children of Europe into a new land next year". It was thought that paradise might be found in Portugal, yet there was no one to guide us. It was thought that Germany might be the place, yet it was not decided. (4) Clearly Confusion had returned to sow his seeds once more.

iii

(1) And so the people departed, for many had to return to tilling the computers and working the machines. (2) Yet the people who did gather at Leeds will always remember it and hold the spark of warmth in their hearts. (3) And, yea, many will bear the key fob until the next year.

<Kendrick Zetie> zetie@minerva.cis.yale.edu and zetie@vax.ox.ac.uk
www home page: "http://www.cis.yale.edu/~zetie/zetie.html" browse!
There ain't no such thing as fact, just opinion. This is mine.